Dear Haylee:
My name is Josh and I’m a Senior at an HBCU in Louisiana and I’ve been following you for a few weeks now and I like the way you disseminate your advice. Here’s my dilemma. I have a best friend named Rasheed (Not his real name) who is also my fraternity brother. We’ve been tight since Freshman year in college, and I trust this man with my life. Rasheed has a girlfriend named Cheryl (Not her real name) and the two of them have been in a relationship for two years and are inseparable. Cheryl is a great person, Haylee. She’s intelligent, ambitious, attractive and very opinioned. When she’s not in class, she is hanging with the two of us in some capacity. With her being around us so much (And here’s the part that I’m writing about) I’ve become super attracted to her. I mean everything about her, in my opinion, is perfect. I think about her all the time, and I try to come up with scenarios where I ask her out and she says yes. I want her to be my girlfriend so bad, but the only problem is Rasheed. I mean he’s my best friend, but I think Cheryl would be a perfect match for me. What should I do Haylee? Should I confess my feelings to Cheryl and let her know how much that I secretly love her, tell Rasheed about my love for his girlfriend or should I just hold my tongue and let Rasheed and Cheryl continue as a couple while I watch the two from afar. I’m so confused.
In Love With Another Man’s Girl
Dear In Love With Another Man’s Girl:
It is inevitably clear that you have strong feelings for Cheryl. Though you are entitled to your own feelings and perceptions, here are a few ideas that I think could help you. First, you need to be honest with yourself about your feelings and consider both Cheryl’s and Rasheed’s. Ask yourself questions such as, “Is this an authentic connection, or is it just a crush developed over the periods of close proximity?”, or “Do I genuinely see a future with her, or do I just wish I was the one dating her?” Secondly, you shouldn’t try to come between them. You should distance yourself if necessary. It is important to respect the boundaries of both your best friend, and his partner. Be considerate of their feelings, and think about how confessing may make the both of them uncomfortable. Thirdly, stay focused on your own goals, dreams, values and ambitions. Don’t become stagnant in life waiting on an opportunity that isn’t freely yours. A stagnant lifestyle only forces you to suppress your true feelings rather than accepting them. You deserve an opportunity that also chooses you. Lastly, if you do decide that confessing your feelings is your only way of coping, then be sure to address Rasheed alone. Your relationship is with Rasheed, therefore, he should be the first to know. Remember to be considerate of Rasheed’s feelings and be respectful of the boundaries he has set in place. Don’t risk your friendship for a temporary idea. I hope you find this useful.
Haylee
